I am going out of town this weekend and I am sooooo ready. I have had an exhausting week. I run around like I am so busy but it seems as though I never get anything done. I'm usually running around for someone else, though. Sigh, there just isn't enough hours in my day to get everything done and make everyone happy. You know what's really funny is that no one ever really makes time for me unless they want something or need something from me. I'm like the disposable employee/friend/family member. Exept for my parents, grandparents and sister. They do as much for me as I do for them. I mean, is it just me or do you ever feel that way....disposable? Jason and I were having a little argument the other night about family issues and I pointed out that he didn't need to be mean and isolate me when I'm the only one in this world that he has and he's the only one in the world that I truely have. I mean, neither one of us is really that special to anyone except each other. Don't get me wrong, we know our family loves us but we don't have that many friends.....actually none that we can count on and we are both that person in the family that is just not that important. No one ever calls us unless they need something. It would be nice every once in a while if someone would call me and invite me to dinner for a change. Or how about a phone call just to say I miss seeing you and spending time with you? You know why, because I'm not that fun to be around. Sure, I'm smart as hell. I can fix your computer or take your kids picture. I'll buy whatever your selling but when the time comes and I'm having a party, no one ever shows up but Lisa, Mema and Mom. I'm just not the friend that you want to go out with for the evening or do something you hate because it makes me happy, like going to a hockey game. I guess I should feel grateful that people think about me when they actually need something. That should make me proud of myself, I guess. I am the way that I am and I wish I was funner to be around and thinner and more glamourous so people didn't feel ashamed to go out in public with me. I just don't think that I should have to change or be fake to have friends. I guess that's why I cling to Jason so much. He's the disposable friend, son, brother and employee, but he's the most important person in my life. I'll always be on his side even if he's wrong because that's what you do for people you love. I just want someone to feel that way about me. Not just Jason, but my friends and family too. I should haven't to be different or dress nicer or lose weight to be special to you.
And one more thing, if I say something that you don't like or you don't agree with then keep it to yourself because this is MYSPACE, which means it belongs to ME and it is MY opinion and MY philosophy and it applies to ME. Whatever I post about or blog about is MY opinion and only my opinion and it's obviously important to me or I wouldn't have said it in the first place.
Mom and Lisa, I know that you are the only two that read my blogs and none of this applies to you. I've just had a terrible day, actually a terrible week, and I needed to get that off my chest. And I'll probably delete this tomorrow anyways. Now, I should go pack because, once again, I have 5 trillion things that have to be done tomorrow before I can get on the road. I'm just ready to escape....sleep late in that wonderfully soft bed in the darkest room in the world, make love to my husband, gamble a little, buy myself something totally frivolous, eat an outrageously expensive dinner and forget about all this crap. I promise come Tuesday I'll be in a better mood.
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