The REAL 12 Days of Christmas

My Mom sent this to me in my email and I wanted to share it with you all. Next time your family gets together to sing Christmas songs add this one to your list!

The Real Twelve Days Of C H R I S T m a s
On the first day of C H R I S T m a s , JESUS gave to me Salvation full and free.
On the second day of C H R I S T m a s , JESUS gave to me Everlasting life, and Salvation full and free.
On the third day of C H R I S T m a s , JESUS gave to me Peace in my Heart, Everlasting Life, and Salvation full and free.
On the fourth day of C H R I S T m a s , JESUS gave to me Love for all men; Peace in my heart, Everlasting life, and Salvation full and free.
On the fifth day of C HRI S T m a s , JESUS gave to me Joy for my soul, Love for all men, Peace in my heart, Everlasting Life, and Salvation full and free.
On the sixth day of C H R I S T m a s , JESUS gave to me Power from on high, Joy for my soul, Love for all men, Peace in my heart, Everlasting Life, and Salvation full and free.
On the seventh day of C H R I S T m a s , JESUS gave to me A Body Glorified, Power from on high, Joy for my soul, Love for all men, Peace in my heart, Everlasting Life, and Salvation full and free.
On the eighth day of C H R I S T m a s , JESUS gave to me A Robe and a Crown, A Body Glorified, Power from on high, Joy for my soul, Love for all men, Peace in my heart, Everlasting Life, and Salvation full and free.
On the ninth day of C H R I S T m a s , JESUS gave to me Mansions above, A Robe and a Crown, A body Glorified, Power from on high, Joy for my soul, Love for all men, Peace in my heart, Everlasting Life, and Salvation full and free.
On the tenth day of C H R I S T m a s , JESUS gave to me Streets of pure gold, Mansions above, A Robe and a Crown, A Body Glorified, Power from on high, Joy for my so ul, Love for all men, Peace in my heart, Everlasting Life, and Salvation full and free.
On the eleventh day of C H R I S T m a s , JESUS gave to me A thousand songs to sing, Streets of pure gold, Mansions above, A Robe and a Crown, A Body Glorified, Power from on high, Joy for my soul, Love for all men, Peace in my heart, Everlasting Life, and Salvation full and free.
On the twelfth day of C H R I S T m a s , JESUS gave to meEternity that's freeA thousand songs to sing,Streets of pure gold,Mansions above,A Robe and A Crown,A Body Glorified,Power from on high,Joy for my soul,Love for all men,Peace in my heart,Everlasting lifeand Salvation full and free! Wishing you C H R I S T m a s blessings ofJoy, Love, Hope, Happiness, Faith,Grace, Mercy and Peace that comes when wemake room in our heart for Jesus.
11:41 AM

Changes - The Reveal

Well, life is really good right now. It's amazing that I can say that with all the changes going on, but it's the truth. Jason and I have grown so much closer this last year after that last really rough patch. I think we are both in the place where we are ready to buckle down and get serious about the rest of our lives. This huge decision my husband sprang on me was uprooting our lives here in Dumas and moving to Amarillo. I know, it's only 45 minutes away but it seems so much further when I think I'll be leaving my parents, Mema, brother and in-laws. But, I agree with Jason; we need to start over. We are currently living in our 678 sq.ft. house that we have been in for 8 years since we first got married. It was really too small to begin with but it was ours and we were proud. We've really learned alot over the last 8 years about what works and what doesn't work for us. For instance, our current house isn't insulated and our utilities are outrageous. Our garage is detached and my laundry room is at the back of my garage, which basically is in the back of my backyard. We only have one bathroom which is killer because we always need it at the same time. I only have 2 closets and they only hold about 2 feet of clothes each and there is no storage in the bathroom whatsoever. My toilet is touching the wall on one side, the sink on the other, the sink is right up against the tub and the bathroom is only as wide as the tub is long. Seriously, it's like 5x5, I measured. So, we started looking at house in Amarillo, and like I said, I was very resistant at first. We couldn't agree on anything, nothing was in our price range, and I felt like we were gonna have to settle on something that wasn't that great just to get it done. We finally narrowed it down to 2 and I took Mom, Mema and Lisa over to see those. Jason called and said he wanted me to look at one more house before we decided. We drove by and it just so happened that there was an open house. We walked in and BANG, I knew right then and there that this was the house for us. If we wrote down everything that we wanted in a house it was right there in front of me. We had our realtor come over and look at it and she said it was an awesome deal. We made an offer on it and the seller counter offered. We decided not to accept his counter offer and he came back and agreed to our original offer. We get the inspections done this Saturday and if that passes then we have the green light to close on December 18th, the weekend right before Christmas. Of course it's scary thinking about trying to find a new job and having new neighbors but it will all work out. We both have intentions of getting involved in Lisa and Corey's church which is something I have been praying about for a while. I'm hoping like everything that Mom and Dad will get motivated and get a house in Amarillo and bring Mema with them. I'm also hoping that Ryan can find some peace soon with the whole engagement breakup and start getting his life on the right track. I feel like I am abandoning him more than anyone else and that kind of hurts my heart. I've gotten so used to him just being across the street.

So, I've posted pictures of the new house, stop by and look and let me know what you all think. Our lender told us that everything is 99% good to go but there is always that 1% that something crazy comes up and the underwriter backs out, but that rarely happens. This may or may not be the house for us but I'm excited either way. I'll kee ya all posted!
1:13 AM

Euphoric!!

Okay, so I am an absolute freak! I really don't like sports at all. Unfortunately I married a sports addict. He watches, reads, attends and worships anything sports related. We are constantly watching or listening to football, baseball, tennis, golf, fishing, bowling, basketball, and any other little thing that could even be considered a sport! I am anti anything that might make me break a sweat so I just kind of tune it out and read my book, if you know what I mean. Right after we got married Jason started dragging me to all kinds of professional games, and I must confess being there in person is a thrill even if baseball last for 9 whole innings! He forced me to attend an Amarillo Gorillas Hockey game and from the minute those guys stepped on the ice I was hooked. I learned all the players names and listened to every game on the radio when I couldn't be there in person. It got so bad my sister started saying I was becoming like a white trash Nascar fan (no offense is you are one). My first favorite player was Tommy Gomes and he lasted a few seasons. Then he left and my little 9 Hughesey became my favorite. But, of course, everyone in Amarillo and the surrounding area know that Dave Rattray is the true superstar. You know, the one who married a local girl and starting sticking around all year long. The one who posed half naked on a Harley and the only one to have a bobble head doll fashioned after him. Heck, I even have the Christmas ornaments and playing cards people! My sister, Lisa, is the ultimate Rattray fan, 27 for life. Well, about 3 years ago I came across an Amarillo Gorillas practice jersey on eBay and I bought it for Lisa and I made it my mission to get Dave Rattray to sign it. Well, that never happened. After a couple of years I broke down and just gave her the jersey sans signature with a sad explanation of how I really wanted it to go down but never got the courage to do. So, let's rewind about a year and I answer the phone at work to find that Dave Rattray is ordering concrete from ME! I guess he started his on construction business and I, of course, work at a concrete plant and deal with contractors on a daily basis. I calmly took his order but once that phone hit the desk I freaked out! I was telling my boss, Dennis, all about who he was and how awesome a hockey player he was. So, he calls again and my boss proceeds to tell him that I am a huge fan and all excited that I got to talk to him. He thought it was pretty funny and said he might send me some free tickets, which I never saw, but it's the thought that counts, right? So, let's fast forward to today. I'm sitting in my office and the phone rings just like any other day. I answer the phone and am greeted by Dave Rattray. I put him on hold and yes, I freak out. He's at United Supermarket working on a job and I'm just itching to drive by and see him. I call my sister to tell her all about my exciting phone call. My boss, Dennis, is so making fun of me and tells me if I go home and get my jersey and Lisa's that he'll take them up to United and get Dave to sign them. It took me 2 seconds to jump in my car and head to Mom's house where Lisa's jersey was just in case he ever came back to Dumas and I ever had the courage to ask for an autograph (which was not very likely). After destroying my mother's garage and grabbing Lisa's jersey I was on my way to my house to grab mine, the whole time squealing on the phone to Lisa, Mom, Dad and even Jason. Dennis beeps in and tells me that Dave is just gonna swing by my office to sign them, that he really didn't mind. So, I grab my camera and rush back to my office to find that Dave is already there waiting on me, and he was parked in my parking space. I'm all out of breath from running all over town and I'm apologizing profusely because I'm so embarrassed but excited. He was very gracious and came in my office and signed Lisa's jersey and then signed mine while talking to me the whole time. I completely forgot to take a picture that I had promised Lisa I would take. So he posed for a few pictures in my horribly cluttered office. I thought it turned out really funny cause Lisa was wanting me to put her on speaker and let her talk to him, which I wouldn't do, but she ended up being there in pictures. Notice she is right over his right and left shoulders! Too funny. Anyways, that totally made my day and he told Dennis before I got there that I had made his day as well. Now that he is not playing hockey anymore he says no one ever recognises or even remembers him so he thought it was pretty cool how excited I was. AND, when he went to leave he grabbed me and gave me a big hug! Yeah, I'm having a hard time typing this cause I'm still floating really high. Yes, yes, yes, I am a dork!

Hurt

UPDATE: As promised, here is the blog I posted before Christmas that I posted as private. The gifts have been dispersed so the secret is no longer.

I am working on a project for my family for Christmas. Actually, I have my boss working on a project. He got this machine that plugs into his computer and you can transfer tapes to a file on your computer and then burn it on to a cd. Long ago my Mema and Papa recorded a tape. I haven't heard it in so long. I haven't heard them sing in so long. I brought the tape to work today so Dennis could put it on a cd for me and then I'm gonna design a new cover and give everyone that for Christmas. I have been so excited about it. I'm sitting in my office trying to do some work and all of a sudden I hear my Papa singing. It hit me like someone kicked me in the stomache. Sometimes that devastating ache of sadness is too much when it hits so suddenly. I miss him so much words could never describe. Ever. I can hardly type this through the tears. Just one more day, that's what I want for Christmas. Just one more day with my Papa.
2:51 AM

Change 2.0

So this whole change thing has started to get pretty complicating. It seems to be taking all my time and energy and I'm constantly on pins and needles wondering what the answer is going to be. All I want is a yes or a no and I don't really want to wait until after Thanksgiving to get that answer! I feel like I am bugging people to death calling and emailing but dang, I need an answer!! Hopefully I'll know for sure the answer to Phase I and I'll let you all know the outcome. Oh yeah, by the way, my husband is driving me to drink so if you happen to run into me and I seem a little inebriated, that's the reason!
5:19 AM

Change

If there is one thing in this world that I hate it is change. I despise change. Of course I have dreams, aspirations, goals and desires. I also know that something in my life has to change for me to obtain those things. Usually nothing in my life changes of my own will. It's usually always someone or something else that changes things for me. Sometimes those changes are for the best, sometimes things turn out really great and then there are times that nothing good comes out of those changes. I guess I see change as really scary. If it were left up to me I would work at the same job, live in the same house, and nothing would really ever change. Even though I may be unhappy with these things I just sit back and complain but never do anything to change it. I've always been able to rely on the fact that I was young and had plenty of time to make certain changes. You know that ever popular "I'm in my twenties, I have plenty of time" attitude. But then one day you wake up and your 31 and life isn't quite what you had planned or hoped it to be. Like having a career that paid pretty good, or having upgraded to that bigger house even if it's not a mansion, or having a couple of kids on the cusp of Junior High, maybe even have kept a vehicle long enough to have it paid off or built up quite a nest egg for retirement. Well, that's a great big zero on my list of accomplishments. Now it feels like instead of having a lot of time to accomplish those things I feel like I'm running out of time. How did I get here when I had dreams for so much more? All of this has been weighing on my mind the last few weeks because my husband decided to step up and make this huge decision that will change the course of my life. Maybe for the best and maybe to my detriment. I guess only time will tell, but this I know; I'm scared to death. I mean, it's not like he's asking me to cut my arm off or tattoo my face. He's not even asking me to move half way across the world, but still I'm scared because this is change. This is a big change. But, this is a change that has to be made to fulfill one of my biggest dreams so why am I so resistant? So, I'm making a declaration. I'm throwing all caution to the wind and I'm going to try with everything in me to embrace this change. We may succeed or we may fall flat on our face and fail but at least we will have tried. Like my Mom has always told me, just take a deep breath and know they can't eat you. Even if the worst comes true and I lose everything I have ever owned I'll still have my family and as long as I have that I will have the world. Please pray with me and for me that the Lord will give me peace with this decision and the course my life is about to take. Pray that all the puzzle pieces will fall into the right place and I can be happy and content, even if my life is not perfect and wrapped up in a neat little box.

Currently listening:The Breaking of the DawnBy Fernando OrtegaRelease date: 2002-07-02
7:29 PM

So, I threw away my wedding ring!

So, I threw away my wedding ring! Category: Blogging
And no, it wasn't on purpose. I still love, love, love my wedding rings, even after 8 1/2 years. So, I haven't done much around my house lately because I have been gone so much and also engrossed in the Twilight books. Now that I'm done reading and we are hosting the Monday night poker games at my house I decided to get busy and get some things done. I usually walk in the door, take my rings and watch off and put them in my amoire. Well, today I went straight to the laundry room to switch the laundry and just continued roaming around the house taking care of business. After attempting to make the bed and washing my dusting rag out a few times I hurriedly took my rings and watch off and put them behind my laptop on my desk. Once I was done and ready to take a break I sat down and decided to sort through some mail. While in the process of throwing all kinds of crap away I accidentally kicked my desk and my watch went flying across the floor. I decided I needed to put them up but when I went to get my wedding ring it was gone. I panicked and Jason and I hit the floor looking everywhere for it. I swept under the couch and chair and found nothing. We pulled the couch and chair out and still nothing. I started to hyperventilate and was on the verge of tears all until I looked at the trash bag that was sitting right by my computer table. I think my exact words were "There is no way it could have gone in there!". You see, this was the bathroom trash bag that I was adding junk mail to and there was some nasty crap in there with a couple of fermenting Cherry Lime cups. I desperately kept trying to find it anywhere on the floor but it just wasn't there. When I had no other options left but the trash bag or the insane asylum, I finally pulled on my rubber gloves and went dumpster diving, or in my case, trash bag diving. The whole living room reeked with a foul smell and Jason was sitting on the couch trying not to vomit. I was breathing through my mouth and praying that I would find my ring. I pulled out each piece of trash and shook it out to make sure the ring wasn't there. I finally got to the bottom of the bag and amidst all of the used Q-Tips and other unmentionable foul I saw my wedding ring! I pulled it out and burst in to tears. I was crying uncontrollably. Jason was still sitting on the couch staring at me in disbelief that I would be that out of control upset after I found the ring! I just know that I never would have recovered from throwing my wedding rings away and it was soooo close to happening. I may just start sleeping in the dang thing!
7:01 PM

My addiction is.......

READING BOOKS.....because they make me feel alive. I feel sorry for any person who can't get lost in pages. Movies are great entertainment but books really make you feel like you are right there, a part of all the action, romance, devastation or what ever is being played out. Nothing in this world compares to the feelings that I experience when I am reading. Reading helps expand your vocabulary and knowledge of subjects you may never ever have learned. I know this is going to sound kind of weird but stories are like Christmas to me. You get so excited when you get a good book and the anticipation is so great when you start reading it. It's total bliss while you are engrossed in the story just like Christmas Day when you are in the middle of opening your presents. Then you take a break and realize you only have 2 presents left, or just a few pages before it all ends. Then that nagging sorrow sets in as you finish opening that last gift or read that last page. Then it's over. Even though you are happy with all the gifts surrounding you or pleased with the happy ending, it's still over. You still have next Christmas to look forward to or that next great book to crack open but you can never recreate that feeling you had for that last experience. I don't know, I'm weird and I'm sure that doesn't make any sense. I try to avoid that let down of emotions by reading series because they continue on. But even a great series has to come to an end and I think those finalities are the worst. Like right now I am reading the Twilight series, (thanks Karly and Meagan for pushing me in that direction). You know, the teen Vampire romances. Sheesh. I am freakin addicted. I don't want to eat, shower, work, see friends, clean house, do laundry or anything. I just want to read these books but I am so agitated right now because I just finished book 2 and it's half over. I'm already dreading the end of book 4. How can that be? I can't get through it fast enough but I don't want it to end. I have read a lot of good books and a few great books. These are great books. These evoke every emotion you could think of and that's what truely makes a great book. I felt so close to Bella in New Moon because I have felt that type of love as well as that type of sorrow. That hole in the chest pain when someone you love doesn't want to be with you anymore or a love so strong that he becomes the reason for your existence. All I can say is wow. I know I'll be finished with everything by the weekend and though I'm excited to have the knowledge I will be sad to put it down. Just wanted to give you all another reason to think I am crazy!

Currently reading:New Moon (The Twilight Saga, Book 2)By Stephenie MeyerRelease date: 2008-05-31
7:28 PM

Politics

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

While the rest of my friends and family are exchanging rather heated comments and insults about the upcoming Presidential election, I would like to remind everyone that we are so blessed to live in a free country and able to freely express our harsh and critical opinions. I am a registered voter, I have voted every chance I was able to for the last 13 years and I am very proud of that fact. However, it's not my place to try to force my opinions or beliefs on any one else. I won't take part in the ridiculous war of words with anyone. I've only discussed my political views with those close family members who I would talk to about anything, and that's it. Sometimes when you try too hard to support something you really believe in you come across looking really ignorant and stupid and looking like a bully. Do the research yourself, make an informed decision, and no matter who you choose to vote for, just get out there and vote. Enough with the fighting! Haven't your momma's ever told you not to ever debate religion or politics? When will we ever learn? I'll be so glad when this election is over and we can concentrate on praying for the next leader of this great nation we live in.
11:55 PM

Albuquerque Birthday Weekend

So, we have been planning a trip for a while with one of Jason's golf buddies. Back when he was single he used to come over a lot and tagged along to Albuquerque with us a handful of times. Now that he has a serious girlfriend we have all wanted to take a few days off and head to the mountains. We finally got that chance this past weekend, and how convenient that it fell on my birthday. Luckily, Friday was a rainy day and we weren't doing squat at work so I was able to leave around 2 and so was Jason. We hit the road by 3 and had a noneventful trip. Once we got to the hotel and checked in we met up with Heather and Jerrod and headed to the deli for a snack. Then it was off to the machines so I could teach Heather the ins and outs of penny slots and the thrill of the "bonus game". She caught on fast and off I was to find the gold fish. All of us played until about 3 a.m. and it was off to bed cause we had a full day planned for Saturday. I got up around 9 (amidst a nasty calf cramp in my left leg) and got ready. We hit the road and headed first to my favorite pizza joint, Boston's. The food was great as always and then it was on to the Family Fun Center for 18 holes of Putt Putt Golf. Jason won, of course with Jerrod coming in a close second. Heather beat me by several points and I was the only one to NOT get a hole in one, while Jason and Jerrod ended the day with 2! Then it was over to the Isleta to try out their slots for a bit and then on to the golf course for a real round of golf with Heather and I just being spectators. The greens had just been aerated and they had one whole 9 blocked off for maintenance. The boys were kind of disappointed but seemed to have fun nonetheless. We left without finishing the last few holes cause Heather and I were beyond bored and it was getting cold and the mosquitos were swarming. We had a nice dinner at Red Robin and then headed back to the room to change and then hit the slots again. The machines were dealing bonuses left and right and Heather and I were having a ball. It didn't take her long to become a penny machine junkie. Can anyone say Bee Band Re-Spin?? She was cracking me up all night when she walked away from her favorite machine and another lady sat down. I think Heather put a hex on her. It was another late, late night and very little sleep to follow. Up the next morning to check out and grab lunch at the deli and support the employees for another week's salary, lol. Around 6 we were played out and tired and ready to get home to see Daisy and the boys. All in all it was a great weekend. We all had to get back to work so I guess you can tell none of us hit it big. I'm thankful that Jason has a friend in Jerrod and now I have a friend in Heather. That's refreshing for someone who has very few female friends. I can't wait to go again!
5:35 PM

October Road....can you really ever go back home again?

Okay, I know my family is going to think I am beating a dead horse here, but dang it!!!! Why in the world did they have to cancel October Road? Curse iTunes for offering me a free song, free video and free episode of October Road. After watching the music video (Ryan Adams "Follow the Lights" which is an absolutely fabulous song) and then watching my free episode of October Road I was totally hooked. I fell in love with the characters, the town of Knights Ridge, and all the music on each episode. I promptly purchased the whole first season and gobbled it up as fast as I could. Then I bought and downloaded season 2 and couldn't wait for one episode to be done so I could start the next. Then right in the middle of Season 2 I was on a mission to download some songs that had been featured on the show. You see, this is where the downward spiral began.....The first song I fell in love with was Hmmm by Bryan Greenberg (that is my profile song). When I looked into downloading it I realized he was actually the main character, Nick. He's also a talented singer; I was so impressed. So, I wanted to add him as a friend on MySpace which led me to other October Road actors, which then led me to the bad news that October Road had been cancelled. Never to come back. I just sat speechless and totally still for about an hour. I have never watched a show that has totally engulfed me like this one. The best I can relate it to is like being 4 years old and wrapping up in that soft yellow blanket at Mema and Papa's house that always smelled the same. Nothing in life was better than that. That blanket eventually fell apart and found the trash and I learned to love other blankets but I really don't think I will ever recover from losing October Road.
So, this is what I did.......I joined the fight to save October Road. Call me crazy, call me delusional, or just call me a fanatic. I have written to the powers that be up at ABC by email and snail mail. I have posted blogs daily on a special website created for keeping the October Road memory alive. I have become virtual friends with the entire cast. I am in the process of donating money to the Pay October Road Forward campaign which is a group of people that buy and distrubute the first Season on dvd and donated it to local libraries to generate more fans. And last, but certainly not least, I created Janet Meadows and Eddie Latekka in my Sims 2 game. I think I did a pretty good job at matching their characters looks and clothing styles. Tonight I'm gonna create Nick, Hannah, and Sam. Sometime next week week I'll try to get to Owen Rowan, Ikey, Physical Phil and Pizza Girl and Ronnie and Aubrey. Now all there is to do is sit back and watch them fall in love, get married, have a couple of kids and live happily ever after. I might even create Big Cat and have him fall in Nick and Hannah's pool and then I'll take the ladder out and let him suffer for a while.

Hello all!

I'm here to blog......

Meeting the Deadliest Catch Captains!!

Lisa, Karegan and I were able to meet Captain Phil Harris and his buddy Murray at Tripp's Harley Davidson today in Amarillo. We looked all over Seattle, Washington for any Deadliest Catch sightings with no success. Who would have thought we would run into them practically in our backyard?!

me

I love the mountains, the cold weather and winding roads. I love my niece, 5th Avenue candy bars and Funyuns. I love movies and songs that make me cry. I like to be alone sometimes. I love the Karate Kid movies, especially the second one. I like country and rock music from the 80's. Sometimes I like to sit down and remember things that happened a long time ago that made me happy. I find myself missing someone from my past on a daily basis, from co-workers to ex-boyfriends. I miss my best friend, Shelley and how she knew me even when I didn't understand myself. I love getting excited about a good hockey game. I love baked potato soup from Bennigans and mushrooms any way they are prepared, especially raw. I got married barefooted because I hate shoes. I like to make people happy and I want everyone to like me. I cry for no reason at all pretty often. I love Gossip Girl and Big Brother. I own every GameBoy ever made and I have my Papa's original one with tape on the screen. I love Daisy so much that I don't know if I could survive without her. I am a terrible cook and house cleaner. I have a love/hate relationship with my little house. I love my flower garden, especially my hibiscus. Jason and I own 4 cars and a motorcycle even though we don't need them. I have a 1967 boat that will probably never see the water. My dad collects camping trailers and I think it's funny. I read Perez Hilton everyday. My house is gray on the front and peach in the back because we never got around to finishing painting it. My brother lives across the street from me. I wish I had a closer relationship with my nieces and nephews and I wish they loved and admired me like they did when they were little before I ever disappointed them. My boss has forgotten Secretary's Day for two years in a row and it really hurt my feelings. I love getting out of the shower and into a freshly made bed. I love pitch black rooms. I am addicted to my laptop, I even watch tv and movies on it. I have 2 sets of Bose earphones that are the best. I love my iPod. I have 4 sets of the State Quarter collections and I collect flat pennies. Even after 8 years I still love my wedding rings. I wear the same Fossil watch everyday for two years until I get a new one for my birthday. I am devastated that October Road got cancelled….I wish I could live in Knights Ridge and have a best friend like Hannah. I watch Jon & Kate Plus 8 and I think Kate is mean to Jon. I am excited about starting a book club. I wish I could make everything okay for my little brother. I wish money grew on trees. I love the fall season best of all. Some days I wish I could get in my car and drive away and never look back. I miss Starting Over and all the drama. I often wonder if anyone is truly happy or is it just an act. I miss Louis Dubuque even though he was hard to work for. I wish Santa Fe was still open and Burger King still sold tacos. I wish I could sleep late everyday and never gain another pound. I wish I wasn't scared of spiders and that I could stomach onions. I wish my church was like it used to be….like home. I wish I had the courage to move. I hope one day we can live in a bigger house and have a better life. I need for Jason to be in my life forever and that I leave this world before he does. I want my parents and Ryan and Lisa to live forever. I wish Karegan looked a little bit like me. I hope one day I can dance and not feel stupid. I love soft blankets and squishy pillows. I love the color burgundy and Capri Sun. I could eat Caesar Salad everyday. I love puppy breath. I love being in love. I wish someone thought I was special besides my family. I hope I count for something. I want to go back to college. Sometimes I want to start over and try to do it better. I wish I could take it back. I love to crochet. All my movies are alphabetized and logged in my computer. I love to play the Sims 2 and Animal Crossing: Wild World. I love pizza and black olives. I want to build furniture. I wish my car was clean and my grass was mowed. I wonder if anyone will ever understand me. I wonder if I will ever understand me.
8:20 AM

My Nephew, Derrick

Hey guys, I have some exciting news and I had to share! My nephew, Derrick, is currently playing in the USSSA World Series in Bentonville, Arkansas. I am posting a link to the USSSA website which shows the stats for this week long tournament. Right now they are the only team undefeated with 5 wins and no losses. The name of their team is Amarillo Crossfire and my nephews name is Derrick Valenzuela for those of you who may want to look up his stats. Jason and I are really, really very proud of him and he deserves some recognition. I am also posting some links to some articles written up in the Amarillo Globe News as well. Please keep Derrick, his teammates, and his family in your prayers for continued success, safety and a safe trip home!

http://www.usssa.com/sports/tournament3.asp?tournamentid=421878
http://www.amarillo.com/stories/060408/our_10369704.shtml
http://www.amarillo.com/stories/072208/mor_moresport9.shtml
http://www.amarillo.com/stories/072308/mor_moresports2.shtml
http://www.amarillo.com/stories/072608/loc_108595082.shtml

I just want to run.....

I'm upset, disappointed, irritated, aggravated, and angry. Let me explain something to those of you out there that think my family is a bunch of hypochondriacs. My whole life has been about the worst case scenario. My Dad didn't fall down a flight of stairs; he fell 30 feet from scaffolding and shattered his wrists, elbows and face. My mom didn't burn her forehead with a curling iron; she dropped it on her eyeball and burned through 4 layers of her cornea. My sister didn't have a little cyst on her ovary; she had a freaking 14 pound ovarian tumor and lost half of her female organs. My Mema went in for a routine knee replacement and quit breathing and had to be on a ventilator. When all this family wanted was a baby in the family after Jason and I desperately tried for 2 years with no success, my sister finally got pregnant. Her first little girl was still born. My Papa went down to Tyler for vacation and never came back because he had a stroke and died 10 hours away from home. That happened when I was in the hospital because I got bit by a little old tick that nearly killed me. Not a rash or an itchy bump, I got Erlichiosis and liked to have died. My Mema had a heart attack sitting in a doctor's office waiting on her boyfriend to see his doctor. All this while she was 6 hours away from home. This is a short list of a long line of crap that has happened to my family throughout my whole entire life. The hospital is like a second home to me, so please, don't talk to me about being a hypochondriac.
Now fast forward to today. Let me introduce you to my ugly, useless, worthless ovaries. I might as well be a boy for all the good my female parts have done me. Let me give you a little lesson. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, aka PCOS, aka life destroyer. Thanks to good old PCOS I have hair growing in places a woman should not have hair growing. I fight acne on a daily basis with very expensive gels, soaps, lotions, toners and creams from the very expensive dermatologist. My neck looks like I haven't washed it in years. It appears as though I am wearing an inner tube around my waist. And last but certainly not least, I never have a period. Now, for those of you witty folks out there that want to add your two cents about me being "lucky" that I am not visited each and every month with, what most of you consider a curse, is really very missed in my life. Let me tell you why.....no period = no baby and better yet, 99% of the time no period ever = ovarian cancer. So, after a good scolding from my new doctor that doing nothing is a good way to die of cancer, I have finally decided that no matter how expensive or uncomfortable the medicine makes me I must take it. So, like most normal woman with PCOS, I started taking a hormone that was supposed to force my body to have a period. All of this for the sole purpose of getting me ready to start taking medicine, to which the side effect is severe diarrhea that never goes away with hopes that it will regulate my periods so that I don't end up with cancer. So, I start taking the period inducing medicine exactly 30 days ago, and what, might you ask, are the results of this? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. No period, no signs of a period and a very uncertain me wondering what I do now. So, I call my doctor and guess what he says. Most normal women with PCOS start their period after 10 days on the medicine. He can't believe that I have taken 30 days of this crap and nothing. It just defies logic. It's abnormal, which obviously is quite normal for my family. So, I have to give it one more week and still if there is nothing then its back to the doctor for some unknown tests to see why I am not responding to the medicine like normal. You may be tired of hearing about all the health drama, but I'm tired of living it. I just want to run out of this terribly small house, out of this miserable little town, and run right out of this useless body that's doing nobody any good, but I'm too tired to take another step. But you know what, my Dad has been through much more than any of you people know. Lord knows I could write a book about the 60+ major surgeries he has had in his lifetime. But if there is one thing in this life he has taught me it is that there is always someone out there that has it worse than us. Sometimes, like right now, it's hard to see past my own pain and disappointments but I know that I am lucky compared to others out there. I'm sure there are women that would be lined up to run right into my body and life if they had the chance. So I'm asking you all to just remember, instead of judging people and accusing them of always expecting the worst, why not have a little compassion?

11:36 AM

Axel Rose

Anyone who knows anything about me knows that I love my animals....probably more than the majority of humanity. The first reason being that I am an animal lover by nature, and secondly, because I am unable to have children of my own. My four dogs and my cat are all substitute "children" for me. From the beginning of our marriage, Jason and I fostered several animals until we found the right breed for our home and our lifestyle. So, after realizing that Boston Terriers were the best breed in the entire world, we brought Axel into our home and our hearts. He has been a part of our family for 6 years, he's the first, he's the oldest and though I don't have any favorites (I love them all equally) there is something to be said for being the first born. I have noticed over the last few months that he has started slowing down and putting on alot of weight, but don't we all the older we get? Anyways, coming home after being in Alaska for 12 days it was immediately noticiable that he had put on even more weight. He could hardly breathe, he couldn't jump on the bed or even the back porch and after 2 or 3 trips chasing the tennis ball he would flop and rest. His belly was swollen and hanging down like cow utters and his little gonads were all shrivelled up. I got him into the vet as soon as possible, which was last Saturday. The vet instantly thought Axel's thyroid was shutting down, which sounded very scary to me. He sent some blood work off to test his thyroid and we were left to wait for the results. He said he would call me by Thursday with the results but I couldn't wait any longer and called today. The results were in but had not been read by the vet yet. He was kind enough to take some time to look at the results and the verdict is.......Axel has Hypothyroidism. Although I'm not thrilled that he has this disease I am very grateful that it wasn't something more serious or lifethreatening. He will have to take medicine twice a day for the rest of his life, but I'm okay with that as long as he sticks around for many more years. I just wanted to share that with everyone and urge each of my fellow pet owners to stay on top of your animal's health. They are helpless in that respect and are relying on you 100% to make sure they are safe and happy. I love all my babies with all my heart and I would be lost without anyone of them. I have included some info on hypothyrodism in case you are interested.

Hypothyroidism and Dogs

HYPOTHYROIDISM
You may have noticed your dog is putting on a few pounds lately although you haven't changed its diet. After taking your pet to your veterinarian, it has been discovered that your pet has an under active thyroid gland. Just what is hypothyroidism?
Hypothyroidism is a disorder in which the thyroid gland (two small lobes located in the neck ) secretes insufficient thyroid hormone. Hypothyroidism isn't life threatening, but it does diminish quality of life. Once diagnosed, however, the disorder is relatively easy to treat.
The thyroid gland produces the thyroid hormones that are critical to maintaining your dog's normal metabolic rate. This is the speed at which the body converts nutrient energy into energy fueling the body. If the thyroid gland degenerates or becomes inflamed, it can no longer produce sufficient quantities of hormones. As a result, cells don't convert the nutritional energy it needs into biologically usable fuel as fast as usual.
This decreased cell function causes a number of physical changes in a hypothyroid dog. Nearly half of such dogs gain weight (with no change in diet). Over a third become lethargic and mentally dull, and just under a third show hair or skin abnormalities. Hair-producing cells slow down, so there is less hair growth and more hair loss. Skin-producing cells slow down, so there is more wrinkling and seborrhea (dandruff) . Also, hypothyroid pets may suffer an increased propensity to joint disease, especially ligament damage.
Some veterinarians also suspect a link between behavior problems and hypothyroidism. Increased aggression is the most commonly suspected behavior change, but some veterinarians speculate that a few hypothyroid dogs may develop anxiety- related or compulsive behaviors. If your pet develops a sudden behavioral change, have your dogs thyroid status examined.
Since the physical signs of hypothyroidism develop gradually and vary from dog to dog, the disorder often goes undiagnosed. But veterinarians have found that hypothyroidism typically develops after 2 years of age and is more common in certain breeds such as golden retrievers and Doberman pinschers. While all owners should be on the lookout for changes in their dog's appearance or behavior that suggest hypothyroidism, owners of middle-aged dogs or genetically predisposed dogs should be especially watchful. If you notice any signs, consult your veterinarian. By simply taking a sample of your dog's blood, it can be determined if the dog has hypothyroidism. At Columbia Veterinary Associates, we are recommending testing as part of our senior health examinations.
Diagnosing hypothyroidism would seem to be as simple as measuring thyroid-hormone levels in the blood. However, this simple technique can give an inaccurate diagnosis because some illness such as Cushing's disease- overactive adrenal glands-- and medications, such as cortisone suppress the level of circulating thyroid hormones. The most accurate test is the - thyroid stimulating hormone -TSH- response test. In this test, the veterinarian measures thyroid-hormone levels in the dog's blood, administers TSH (a chemical that stimulates thyroid-hormone secretion), then remeasures hormone levels to determine whether the thyroid gland responded by producing additional thyroid hormones. While the TSH response test is reasonably accurate, it is expensive to administer. Also, this hormone is now difficult to find because of decreased production by the manufacturers.
Newer tests are available, that are as accurate (although not 100 percent) and less expensive than the TSH response test. With these tests the a combination of the levels of thyroid hormone -T4- and a specific thyroid hormone-Free T4 - as well as the level of TSH in a dog's blood are measured. Hypothyroid dogs have both a high TSH level and a low free-T4 level.
Veterinarians treat hypothyroidism by prescribing supplemental thyroid hormone, which the owner must administer to the dog orally once or twice a day. These medications are initially prescribed according to your pet's weight. Your veterinarian will closely monitor your dog in the initial stage of treatment by retesting the thyroid level- T4- to make sure the animal is getting the appropriate dosage. Too little hormone won't alleviate the signs, while too much can cause a dog to develop hyperthyroidism (excessive thyroid hormone causing agitated and overactive behavior, weight loss, excessive drinking, and excessive urination). Once thyroid- hormone levels have stabilized within a normal range, your veterinarian will likely check the levels every six months to every year. The dose levels of medication used to treat this disease in dogs is much higher than the rate use to treat hypothyroidism in people.
Once treatment begins, most hypothyroid dogs are increasingly active and show fewer behavior problems within a week. Hair growth typically accelerates in about a week, too, although bare spots may take months to fully grow in. Most dogs begin to lose excess weight within 2 to 4 weeks of starting treatment.
If you suspect hypothyroidism, consult your veterinarian. The treatment for hypothyroidism is straightforward, and the medication is relatively inexpensive.
8:28 PM

Super Bowl

Okay, this is more like an update rather than a post about the Super Bowl. I'm not much of a fan of football, give me hockey anyday! But, with that said, I do support my husband in whatever he does and likes, so no matter how silly, foolish, stupid, ridiculous, outrageous (and believe me, there have been lots) I always am on his side. So by default I am a New England Patriots fan. This season has been incredibly exciting because for the first time in history an NFL team is 18-0. Okay, I know the Miami Dolfins had a perfect season back in the 80's or 70's (I can't remember) but there regular season and playoff season was only 16 games total. The Patriots still have one more game to play and they are already 2 games up on Miami.
Anyways, Jason is home for good now from working down south. So much for all my freedom! No, really I am glad he's home (sort of)! He came in last night and we are leaving this morning to go to Albuquerque in celebration of the Super Bowl. I'm not really thrilled about going because we are beyond broke and the hubby is now jobless, but I'm trying to make myself live from day to day and try to quit stressing about tomorrow and next week and next month and next year.........
We have been having some major problems with someone messing around outside my house and in the driveway during the middle of the night. At first I thought it was all in my head when I would start hearing the noises or the dogs would continually bark or all the little things that would be moved around, but I finally got some confirmation when the car battery sitting by my Jimmy was missing. It's not like the wind is gonna blow a heavy battery down the street. Anyways, I hope things get back to normal now that Jas is home and the little shit heads (I mean thugs) will start leaving my house alone! I called the Police and they are supposedly gonna put a close patrol on my house for the next week. We'll see.
Well, I had better start packing for the long trip. Hopefully we won't kill each other before we get home and can actually enjoy a little time together for a change! Wish me luck.
9:28 AM

Better

So, what a depressing blog I posted last night/early this morning. I did get up this morning, took my shower, got dressed and drove to church which is where I really needed to be. There was a guest speaker, Mark Bishop, and he is a phenomenal preacher. I've missed that kind of preaching since my Papa and Bro. Clark are gone. Anyways, sitting there I felt really comfortable and almost like I used to when I loved going to church. I'm not very good at change and I miss the little things, like the old church building. That's where I grew up, fell in love a dozen times, made some really great memories. I got married in that building, so I guess I'll always miss it. It's funny what things come to mind for absolutely no reason. I remember wasps flying around in our classroom every Sunday morning, hiding in the bus closet with Roger Hickey and half the teen department during an afterglow. Remember "Afterglows" and "Fifth Quarter Afterglows"? I remember riding to church camp on the "cool van" and actually being one of the "cool" people, riding in the back seat and being jealous of any girl that talked to one of "our" guys. I remember holding hands with one of the boys during Missionary slides when the lights were out, and the ski trip to Red River when Ronnie and Jan were here. I remember slumber parties at Gerald and Gails house, and toilet papering the Marions house and having shaving cream fights with the boys. I remember Robin Krebbs and Alyssa Roberts being so young and now they are both married! I remember getting love letters from Clint that Gerald helped him write, Lisa kissing Toby on Truth or Dare and being so devastated! I remember playing games like "Honey if you love me you'll smile" and getting KP because we camped out in the bathroom so we could be the first ones in the shower! I remember the year Michael Roberts asked me to the Friday Night banquet an hour after we left Dumas just so he could ask me before his cousin Cory could ask me and then Cory begged and begged and begged for me just to pay attention to him. Then coming home from college and going to an adult party out at Paston Clark's house, going on a hay ride with Cory and wondering why I waited so long to give into his persistance. What can I say about Cory? After 3 years of being married he shows up out of nowhere to ask me "What if and is there still a chance"? I won't ever forget any of that and most of all I'll remember feeling important and loved with my group around me. I never felt like I was missing out on anything because I wasn't going out to school dances. Maybe I just miss the past. I can close my eyes and remember Heath and Clint, Toby, Eugene, Tamara and Dawn, Miriam and Joseph, me and Lisa, Chris, Cory and Michael, Erin and Kyle Kruger, Keke and Sugar.....it's funny, really. I looked at the teen section this morning and thought to myself, it'll never compare to what I had. Is that wrong? I wondered for a moment if they know how much they are going to miss that in 15 years, when the worst thing in life was that one guy not paying enough attention to you or watching him hold someone else's hand on the hayride. But we can never go back to being just a kid. I have a lot to be thankful for. I had a pretty great childhood, parents who loved me and each other, a church that was my life for so long and some really great friends. How did we lose each other along the way? If I close my eyes I can have it all back if even for just a second. So it's been a good day. Sometimes I enjoy spending the day with just myself and remembering the things that used to make me happy. I think I'll go over to Mom's and try to find the recording of "The Bible Tells Me So Show". We were so awesome, no matter what anyone says. You know how they have high school reunions? We should totally have a Teen Department Reunion!!
12:30 PM

That’s what I do

It's really late and I should be in bed but I'm sitting here in the dark and quiet and I'm unable to get up and go to bed, unable to turn the tv on, just stuck here in this chair freezing. It's weird how when the house is quiet and I'm alone it's as though my mind finally wakes up and there is so much swirling in my head that I can barely keep up. I think that's why I don't sleep well at night....it's my curse. I'm good at putting things aside and focusing on everyday life, but when I get still at night everything comes rushing up and I can't push it to the back anymore. It's starting to get overwhelming but I don't know how to make it better. I'm just so tired. Not the kind of tired sleeping a few extra hours in the morning will cure. My body is tired, my brain is tired, my soul is weary. It's like I've been living the last several years just trying to keep my head above water but the harder I try the harder it seems to get. What's the point in life when you are just living to get by and nothing ever gets better? Wouldn't it just be easier to stop swimming all together, take a really good deep breath and just sink? It would be so much easier. But, I'll struggle to get a few hours of sleep tonight, I'll get up in the morning, take my shower, get in my car, put a smile on my face and pretend like life is great and I'm really happy and live another day because that's what I do. Everyday. For the rest of my life. And no one will ever know the real me because that's what I do.
2:35 AM