Change

If there is one thing in this world that I hate it is change. I despise change. Of course I have dreams, aspirations, goals and desires. I also know that something in my life has to change for me to obtain those things. Usually nothing in my life changes of my own will. It's usually always someone or something else that changes things for me. Sometimes those changes are for the best, sometimes things turn out really great and then there are times that nothing good comes out of those changes. I guess I see change as really scary. If it were left up to me I would work at the same job, live in the same house, and nothing would really ever change. Even though I may be unhappy with these things I just sit back and complain but never do anything to change it. I've always been able to rely on the fact that I was young and had plenty of time to make certain changes. You know that ever popular "I'm in my twenties, I have plenty of time" attitude. But then one day you wake up and your 31 and life isn't quite what you had planned or hoped it to be. Like having a career that paid pretty good, or having upgraded to that bigger house even if it's not a mansion, or having a couple of kids on the cusp of Junior High, maybe even have kept a vehicle long enough to have it paid off or built up quite a nest egg for retirement. Well, that's a great big zero on my list of accomplishments. Now it feels like instead of having a lot of time to accomplish those things I feel like I'm running out of time. How did I get here when I had dreams for so much more? All of this has been weighing on my mind the last few weeks because my husband decided to step up and make this huge decision that will change the course of my life. Maybe for the best and maybe to my detriment. I guess only time will tell, but this I know; I'm scared to death. I mean, it's not like he's asking me to cut my arm off or tattoo my face. He's not even asking me to move half way across the world, but still I'm scared because this is change. This is a big change. But, this is a change that has to be made to fulfill one of my biggest dreams so why am I so resistant? So, I'm making a declaration. I'm throwing all caution to the wind and I'm going to try with everything in me to embrace this change. We may succeed or we may fall flat on our face and fail but at least we will have tried. Like my Mom has always told me, just take a deep breath and know they can't eat you. Even if the worst comes true and I lose everything I have ever owned I'll still have my family and as long as I have that I will have the world. Please pray with me and for me that the Lord will give me peace with this decision and the course my life is about to take. Pray that all the puzzle pieces will fall into the right place and I can be happy and content, even if my life is not perfect and wrapped up in a neat little box.

Currently listening:The Breaking of the DawnBy Fernando OrtegaRelease date: 2002-07-02
7:29 PM