Change 2.0

So this whole change thing has started to get pretty complicating. It seems to be taking all my time and energy and I'm constantly on pins and needles wondering what the answer is going to be. All I want is a yes or a no and I don't really want to wait until after Thanksgiving to get that answer! I feel like I am bugging people to death calling and emailing but dang, I need an answer!! Hopefully I'll know for sure the answer to Phase I and I'll let you all know the outcome. Oh yeah, by the way, my husband is driving me to drink so if you happen to run into me and I seem a little inebriated, that's the reason!
5:19 AM

Change

If there is one thing in this world that I hate it is change. I despise change. Of course I have dreams, aspirations, goals and desires. I also know that something in my life has to change for me to obtain those things. Usually nothing in my life changes of my own will. It's usually always someone or something else that changes things for me. Sometimes those changes are for the best, sometimes things turn out really great and then there are times that nothing good comes out of those changes. I guess I see change as really scary. If it were left up to me I would work at the same job, live in the same house, and nothing would really ever change. Even though I may be unhappy with these things I just sit back and complain but never do anything to change it. I've always been able to rely on the fact that I was young and had plenty of time to make certain changes. You know that ever popular "I'm in my twenties, I have plenty of time" attitude. But then one day you wake up and your 31 and life isn't quite what you had planned or hoped it to be. Like having a career that paid pretty good, or having upgraded to that bigger house even if it's not a mansion, or having a couple of kids on the cusp of Junior High, maybe even have kept a vehicle long enough to have it paid off or built up quite a nest egg for retirement. Well, that's a great big zero on my list of accomplishments. Now it feels like instead of having a lot of time to accomplish those things I feel like I'm running out of time. How did I get here when I had dreams for so much more? All of this has been weighing on my mind the last few weeks because my husband decided to step up and make this huge decision that will change the course of my life. Maybe for the best and maybe to my detriment. I guess only time will tell, but this I know; I'm scared to death. I mean, it's not like he's asking me to cut my arm off or tattoo my face. He's not even asking me to move half way across the world, but still I'm scared because this is change. This is a big change. But, this is a change that has to be made to fulfill one of my biggest dreams so why am I so resistant? So, I'm making a declaration. I'm throwing all caution to the wind and I'm going to try with everything in me to embrace this change. We may succeed or we may fall flat on our face and fail but at least we will have tried. Like my Mom has always told me, just take a deep breath and know they can't eat you. Even if the worst comes true and I lose everything I have ever owned I'll still have my family and as long as I have that I will have the world. Please pray with me and for me that the Lord will give me peace with this decision and the course my life is about to take. Pray that all the puzzle pieces will fall into the right place and I can be happy and content, even if my life is not perfect and wrapped up in a neat little box.

Currently listening:The Breaking of the DawnBy Fernando OrtegaRelease date: 2002-07-02
7:29 PM

So, I threw away my wedding ring!

So, I threw away my wedding ring! Category: Blogging
And no, it wasn't on purpose. I still love, love, love my wedding rings, even after 8 1/2 years. So, I haven't done much around my house lately because I have been gone so much and also engrossed in the Twilight books. Now that I'm done reading and we are hosting the Monday night poker games at my house I decided to get busy and get some things done. I usually walk in the door, take my rings and watch off and put them in my amoire. Well, today I went straight to the laundry room to switch the laundry and just continued roaming around the house taking care of business. After attempting to make the bed and washing my dusting rag out a few times I hurriedly took my rings and watch off and put them behind my laptop on my desk. Once I was done and ready to take a break I sat down and decided to sort through some mail. While in the process of throwing all kinds of crap away I accidentally kicked my desk and my watch went flying across the floor. I decided I needed to put them up but when I went to get my wedding ring it was gone. I panicked and Jason and I hit the floor looking everywhere for it. I swept under the couch and chair and found nothing. We pulled the couch and chair out and still nothing. I started to hyperventilate and was on the verge of tears all until I looked at the trash bag that was sitting right by my computer table. I think my exact words were "There is no way it could have gone in there!". You see, this was the bathroom trash bag that I was adding junk mail to and there was some nasty crap in there with a couple of fermenting Cherry Lime cups. I desperately kept trying to find it anywhere on the floor but it just wasn't there. When I had no other options left but the trash bag or the insane asylum, I finally pulled on my rubber gloves and went dumpster diving, or in my case, trash bag diving. The whole living room reeked with a foul smell and Jason was sitting on the couch trying not to vomit. I was breathing through my mouth and praying that I would find my ring. I pulled out each piece of trash and shook it out to make sure the ring wasn't there. I finally got to the bottom of the bag and amidst all of the used Q-Tips and other unmentionable foul I saw my wedding ring! I pulled it out and burst in to tears. I was crying uncontrollably. Jason was still sitting on the couch staring at me in disbelief that I would be that out of control upset after I found the ring! I just know that I never would have recovered from throwing my wedding rings away and it was soooo close to happening. I may just start sleeping in the dang thing!
7:01 PM

My addiction is.......

READING BOOKS.....because they make me feel alive. I feel sorry for any person who can't get lost in pages. Movies are great entertainment but books really make you feel like you are right there, a part of all the action, romance, devastation or what ever is being played out. Nothing in this world compares to the feelings that I experience when I am reading. Reading helps expand your vocabulary and knowledge of subjects you may never ever have learned. I know this is going to sound kind of weird but stories are like Christmas to me. You get so excited when you get a good book and the anticipation is so great when you start reading it. It's total bliss while you are engrossed in the story just like Christmas Day when you are in the middle of opening your presents. Then you take a break and realize you only have 2 presents left, or just a few pages before it all ends. Then that nagging sorrow sets in as you finish opening that last gift or read that last page. Then it's over. Even though you are happy with all the gifts surrounding you or pleased with the happy ending, it's still over. You still have next Christmas to look forward to or that next great book to crack open but you can never recreate that feeling you had for that last experience. I don't know, I'm weird and I'm sure that doesn't make any sense. I try to avoid that let down of emotions by reading series because they continue on. But even a great series has to come to an end and I think those finalities are the worst. Like right now I am reading the Twilight series, (thanks Karly and Meagan for pushing me in that direction). You know, the teen Vampire romances. Sheesh. I am freakin addicted. I don't want to eat, shower, work, see friends, clean house, do laundry or anything. I just want to read these books but I am so agitated right now because I just finished book 2 and it's half over. I'm already dreading the end of book 4. How can that be? I can't get through it fast enough but I don't want it to end. I have read a lot of good books and a few great books. These are great books. These evoke every emotion you could think of and that's what truely makes a great book. I felt so close to Bella in New Moon because I have felt that type of love as well as that type of sorrow. That hole in the chest pain when someone you love doesn't want to be with you anymore or a love so strong that he becomes the reason for your existence. All I can say is wow. I know I'll be finished with everything by the weekend and though I'm excited to have the knowledge I will be sad to put it down. Just wanted to give you all another reason to think I am crazy!

Currently reading:New Moon (The Twilight Saga, Book 2)By Stephenie MeyerRelease date: 2008-05-31
7:28 PM