I'm upset, disappointed, irritated, aggravated, and angry. Let me explain something to those of you out there that think my family is a bunch of hypochondriacs. My whole life has been about the worst case scenario. My Dad didn't fall down a flight of stairs; he fell 30 feet from scaffolding and shattered his wrists, elbows and face. My mom didn't burn her forehead with a curling iron; she dropped it on her eyeball and burned through 4 layers of her cornea. My sister didn't have a little cyst on her ovary; she had a freaking 14 pound ovarian tumor and lost half of her female organs. My Mema went in for a routine knee replacement and quit breathing and had to be on a ventilator. When all this family wanted was a baby in the family after Jason and I desperately tried for 2 years with no success, my sister finally got pregnant. Her first little girl was still born. My Papa went down to Tyler for vacation and never came back because he had a stroke and died 10 hours away from home. That happened when I was in the hospital because I got bit by a little old tick that nearly killed me. Not a rash or an itchy bump, I got Erlichiosis and liked to have died. My Mema had a heart attack sitting in a doctor's office waiting on her boyfriend to see his doctor. All this while she was 6 hours away from home. This is a short list of a long line of crap that has happened to my family throughout my whole entire life. The hospital is like a second home to me, so please, don't talk to me about being a hypochondriac.
Now fast forward to today. Let me introduce you to my ugly, useless, worthless ovaries. I might as well be a boy for all the good my female parts have done me. Let me give you a little lesson. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, aka PCOS, aka life destroyer. Thanks to good old PCOS I have hair growing in places a woman should not have hair growing. I fight acne on a daily basis with very expensive gels, soaps, lotions, toners and creams from the very expensive dermatologist. My neck looks like I haven't washed it in years. It appears as though I am wearing an inner tube around my waist. And last but certainly not least, I never have a period. Now, for those of you witty folks out there that want to add your two cents about me being "lucky" that I am not visited each and every month with, what most of you consider a curse, is really very missed in my life. Let me tell you why.....no period = no baby and better yet, 99% of the time no period ever = ovarian cancer. So, after a good scolding from my new doctor that doing nothing is a good way to die of cancer, I have finally decided that no matter how expensive or uncomfortable the medicine makes me I must take it. So, like most normal woman with PCOS, I started taking a hormone that was supposed to force my body to have a period. All of this for the sole purpose of getting me ready to start taking medicine, to which the side effect is severe diarrhea that never goes away with hopes that it will regulate my periods so that I don't end up with cancer. So, I start taking the period inducing medicine exactly 30 days ago, and what, might you ask, are the results of this? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. No period, no signs of a period and a very uncertain me wondering what I do now. So, I call my doctor and guess what he says. Most normal women with PCOS start their period after 10 days on the medicine. He can't believe that I have taken 30 days of this crap and nothing. It just defies logic. It's abnormal, which obviously is quite normal for my family. So, I have to give it one more week and still if there is nothing then its back to the doctor for some unknown tests to see why I am not responding to the medicine like normal. You may be tired of hearing about all the health drama, but I'm tired of living it. I just want to run out of this terribly small house, out of this miserable little town, and run right out of this useless body that's doing nobody any good, but I'm too tired to take another step. But you know what, my Dad has been through much more than any of you people know. Lord knows I could write a book about the 60+ major surgeries he has had in his lifetime. But if there is one thing in this life he has taught me it is that there is always someone out there that has it worse than us. Sometimes, like right now, it's hard to see past my own pain and disappointments but I know that I am lucky compared to others out there. I'm sure there are women that would be lined up to run right into my body and life if they had the chance. So I'm asking you all to just remember, instead of judging people and accusing them of always expecting the worst, why not have a little compassion?
11:36 AM
Now fast forward to today. Let me introduce you to my ugly, useless, worthless ovaries. I might as well be a boy for all the good my female parts have done me. Let me give you a little lesson. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, aka PCOS, aka life destroyer. Thanks to good old PCOS I have hair growing in places a woman should not have hair growing. I fight acne on a daily basis with very expensive gels, soaps, lotions, toners and creams from the very expensive dermatologist. My neck looks like I haven't washed it in years. It appears as though I am wearing an inner tube around my waist. And last but certainly not least, I never have a period. Now, for those of you witty folks out there that want to add your two cents about me being "lucky" that I am not visited each and every month with, what most of you consider a curse, is really very missed in my life. Let me tell you why.....no period = no baby and better yet, 99% of the time no period ever = ovarian cancer. So, after a good scolding from my new doctor that doing nothing is a good way to die of cancer, I have finally decided that no matter how expensive or uncomfortable the medicine makes me I must take it. So, like most normal woman with PCOS, I started taking a hormone that was supposed to force my body to have a period. All of this for the sole purpose of getting me ready to start taking medicine, to which the side effect is severe diarrhea that never goes away with hopes that it will regulate my periods so that I don't end up with cancer. So, I start taking the period inducing medicine exactly 30 days ago, and what, might you ask, are the results of this? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. No period, no signs of a period and a very uncertain me wondering what I do now. So, I call my doctor and guess what he says. Most normal women with PCOS start their period after 10 days on the medicine. He can't believe that I have taken 30 days of this crap and nothing. It just defies logic. It's abnormal, which obviously is quite normal for my family. So, I have to give it one more week and still if there is nothing then its back to the doctor for some unknown tests to see why I am not responding to the medicine like normal. You may be tired of hearing about all the health drama, but I'm tired of living it. I just want to run out of this terribly small house, out of this miserable little town, and run right out of this useless body that's doing nobody any good, but I'm too tired to take another step. But you know what, my Dad has been through much more than any of you people know. Lord knows I could write a book about the 60+ major surgeries he has had in his lifetime. But if there is one thing in this life he has taught me it is that there is always someone out there that has it worse than us. Sometimes, like right now, it's hard to see past my own pain and disappointments but I know that I am lucky compared to others out there. I'm sure there are women that would be lined up to run right into my body and life if they had the chance. So I'm asking you all to just remember, instead of judging people and accusing them of always expecting the worst, why not have a little compassion?
11:36 AM
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