Scared

I don't feel right. I'm dreading 3:15 when I know the phone may or may not ring. How will he be today? Will I be alone again tonight? I never want to feel like I did last weekend. I've never, ever felt so awful. I can see things are not really okay. We are both just playing along because we are afraid of the change and the pain that it'll cause. He was up at 4:30 am sitting on the couch. It scared me because that's not normal. He yelled at me when I asked if he was going to work. I have that feeling of dread knowing that tonight we may start this all again. How much of this can I handle? Is it even worth trying? He bullied me into being gone for 3 hours yesterday and into buying a Playstation 3. When will I get to the point where I can let him go and not lose myself??
1:07 PM